Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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