your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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