you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
