I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
