i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
