8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
