TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
