I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
