I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
