So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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