I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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