Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
