I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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