I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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