I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize