i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
