Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
