on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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