he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
