This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
organizing the empties. That sober.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
