Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
