the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
