That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
