Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she peed on how many people?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
