mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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