hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
