also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
