So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize