i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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