Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
