I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Randomize
