I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
