paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
