You're my little dorito
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
