I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
