he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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