How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
