What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
