My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
