Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just invented taco cereal.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
