My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
