i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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