Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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