i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
