She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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