This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
