Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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