3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize