I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
