apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
