I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
