i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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