Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
