She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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