i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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