I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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