Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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