I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
