that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
