Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
