i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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