Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
3 2 1 whiskey
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
