i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
