Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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