Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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