on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
