I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
