: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
