And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
