I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
