capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just want nice things and good sex
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
